tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50794262012-01-31T01:04:26.322-08:00This is my online journal, a tool I can use to write about my progress through recovery. I have been diagnosed with Mild Hypoglycemia, Major Depressive Disorder, Attention Defecit Disorder, Bipolar Disorder Type 2:Ultra-Radian Cycling and Panic Disorder with Agoraphobia and also have codependencey issues.Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.comBlogger3041100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1098155178481901182004-10-18T19:26:00.000-07:002004-11-07T21:08:53.826-08:00

I'm getting busier as I become more involved in my school work. I have such a lust for learning that I over do it and spend too much time on it. This applies to other aspects of my life as well. I obsess on things; but instead of obsessing on my depression, I'm obsessing on doing something else. It's an adjustment phase I'll have to go through; now that I'm not spending so much of my time lying

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1097147747571140942004-10-07T03:52:00.000-07:002004-10-07T04:15:47.570-07:00

It's My Birthday! So get with the program and click the link to my wish list in the lower left column and get me a B-Day present! hehehe... Anyway, on to my journal entry. Past two days I've been non-stop-go. Totally immersed and involved in working out things with insurance, schoolwork, meetings with school advisors and setting up schedules. I've been half real excited about getting more

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1097041847329407832004-10-05T20:38:00.000-07:002004-10-05T22:50:47.330-07:00

I have a problem and have had for a long time that's becoming more and more obvious. It has to do with how I react to people who want to talk to me or ask me to do something. The way I initially react seems to cause people to feel that I don't care/respect enough or they're not important enough and I don't want to bother with them. It's especially worse when it's someone who has been gone out of

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1096757261694228502004-10-02T15:41:00.000-07:002004-10-02T15:47:41.693-07:00

Didn't realize it's been this long since I last posted. So far I haven't been able to notice a change since using Adderal XR, I see my doctor on Monday and I'll see if he wants to increase the dosage. I'm still pretty tired most of the time, groggy and out of it. I still enjoy my class.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1095825206106163062004-09-21T20:33:00.000-07:002004-09-21T20:53:26.106-07:00

After having my psychiatrist once again go over my chart and test results showing indications of attention deficit disorder and prefrontal cortical dysfunction, he still wanted to postpone putting me on Adderal, an amphetamine stimulant indicated for ADHD. He was glad that we were finally getting some improvement in my mood stability and my anxiety symptoms, and he stresses that stimulants, like

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1095292126853008512004-09-15T16:34:00.000-07:002004-09-15T16:48:46.853-07:00

Well, I'm officially back in college now to hopefully finish my Bachelor's in Psychology. Yesterday was my first class, called Psychopharmacology, about drug interactions, specifically psychotropics. I'm only taking one class this semester to see if I can handle it. Baby steps. Long term goal is to go all the way to a Doctorate and in the process pull myself out of enough of the disabling effects

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1094263698756121962004-09-03T18:58:00.000-07:002004-09-03T19:10:04.506-07:00

Well, I learned the hard way how important it is to eat and drink properly and consistently, especially while on meds like lithium. I ran into a problem were the Lamictal I'm on was causing me to not want to eat or drink, and after a couple of weeks of hardly eating or drinking at all, my lithium levels became toxic for a while and my electrolytes got off balance and I became VERY sick. I really

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1093131324313952272004-08-21T16:19:00.000-07:002004-08-21T16:38:59.516-07:00

Wow, my internet connection is actually up at the moment, hope it stays up long enough for me to type in this entry and get it posted. I've noticed my anxiety slowly increasing in intesity over the past two weeks or so. My guess is that I'm again growing tolerant of the Xanax. But, no panic attacks yet. Over the past couple days, and especially yesterday and today, the conversations that I have

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1092704135640517822004-08-16T17:23:00.000-07:002004-08-16T17:55:35.640-07:00

Well, I went to see my psychiatrist today, but instead of the same psychiatrist I've been seeing for a good year and a half, some new psychiatrist walks into the lobby and calls me back. Doesn't seem like much of a nice guy or very compassionate. First asks me the exact date, including what year it is. Then he asks me what meds I'm on. So, I'm a little miffed, here I am with a new doctor,

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1092192875931814222004-08-10T19:07:00.000-07:002004-08-10T19:54:35.933-07:00

Again, I haven't been posting much lately. Just haven't felt that I have much new to say. Lately I've been very tired, falling asleep easily throughout the day. Around 11pm, my mind starts to really wake up, then a few hours later I get sluggish, but unable to actually fall asleep until around 6am. I then sleep until the afternoon, and I am very sluggish the rest of the day until late at

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1090458616263503102004-07-21T18:02:00.000-07:002004-07-21T18:10:16.263-07:00

I've noticed that my moods seem more stable now, my depressions don't go as deep, but my anixiety has been a little high these past 6 days or so, although I haven't had a full blown panic attack in at least a couple weeks.  So, I'm guessing that the lithium is helping at least a little. I also notice that, while I do seem to sleep a consistant 8-9 hours each day, I'm not able to fall asleep

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1089606920720636532004-07-11T20:38:00.000-07:002004-07-11T21:35:20.720-07:00

I'm not sure what to write, I know it's been over a week since I've posted. In the past week I've pretty much isolated myself from just about everything. I've been a little depressed, a little anxious, a little afraid, a bit paranoid, but no one thing real bad. Just a big sense of "blah" I guess. Most days not in the mood to talk to anyone, just want to be alone. But I did get out a couple

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1088826338771531862004-07-02T20:30:00.000-07:002004-07-02T20:45:38.773-07:00

Well, my mood tanked this week, my anxiety went up and my depression got pretty deep, thinking what's the point in life again. Had a lot of running around driving people places this week too, which put more pressure on me and increased my anxiety, it's hard enough for me to drive just once in a while, and some of my family members are having moderately severe medical problems too. So, I've been

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1088216432859017342004-06-25T19:17:00.000-07:002006-10-05T00:22:38.403-07:00

Doing better today. My sense of time is still a little off, but everything else seems to be going better. My therapist, like my old therapist, is urging me to look into going back to college. I'm scared about doing that, because it would mean asking my family for even more support, but after talking to my dad and my aunt, they're at least supportive of me trying to give it a shot. So, unless

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1088040064068585072004-06-23T18:00:00.000-07:002004-06-23T18:21:04.066-07:00

After posting that my thoughts seem better last night, today has been hell for me. I slept most of the day. I was just so tired and out of it. I knew I couldn't drive so I canceled my music lessons. While I was sleeping I kept hearing my phone ring which sits on my bed stand, but it wasn't actually ringing. And I kept hearing someone knock on the door, but that just scared me more and sent

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1087972955109011152004-06-22T23:29:00.000-07:002004-06-22T23:42:35.110-07:00

I'm having some problems with my internet service provider so it's a little more difficult to post frequently. I'm trying to get it sorted out but it may take some days. Anyway, not sure if I've already mentioned this, but on the Lamictal, even at this low starting dosage, I notice that my stomach constantly feels full; I'm supposed to be eating many small meals a day to keep my hypoglycemia in

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1087768779516030752004-06-20T14:56:00.000-07:002004-06-20T14:59:39.516-07:00

I've missed my morning dose of Xanax two days in a row now, I think it's causing a little bit of withdrawals, I'm feeling more agitated, depressed, lack of energy and motivation. I went out to a nice dinner and saw a movie with some of my family yesterday, but I was just too grumpy and tired to enjoy it much. Not sure what I'm going to do today. Or tomorrow for that matter. Probably just

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1087605293527524682004-06-18T17:31:00.000-07:002004-06-18T17:34:53.526-07:00

I'm doing better with my overall attitude these past few days. I think a lot of it has to do with hanging out with my internet friends, trying to force myself to go out and use the swimming pool, and the increase in Xanax. Also helping is knowing I'm going on new meds I think. I haven't had any delusional thoughts since I started taking the Lamictal and increased my Xanax this Monday night.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1087290743386292702004-06-15T01:56:00.000-07:002004-06-18T17:30:49.220-07:00

I woke up feeling still really depressed, woke up, as seems usual lately, with memories of past failed relationships and broken heart. Saw my therapist, he told me all the things I know I'm supposed to do, mostly to do with positive and negative thinking. I still have a lot of resentment and anger deep within me about some traumatic events in my life, and those negative thoughts are controlling

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1086906816526607452004-06-10T14:57:00.000-07:002004-06-10T15:33:36.526-07:00

I have a lot to say. I've been through hell. I've given up again. More so than ever before, I look out into life and see one big disappointment. Nothing out there I want to waste my time on any more. Last Saturday night, in the middle of the night, the night before I left out of town to get my brain scans done, I started losing it. Negative thoughts, angry, depressing, condemning thoughts

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1086847596301187372004-06-09T23:06:00.000-07:002004-06-09T23:06:36.300-07:00

Link:Agoraphobia - Suite101.com: "Agoraphobics live in a prison with glass walls and an invisible jailor. In some ways it is as though some fairy tale witch has cast a mysterious spell which locks us into our homes and makes every venture 'out into the world' into a terrifying and herculean task. It is frustrating and confusing for us and for those who know and love us. And it's virtually

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1086418197279955512004-06-04T23:43:00.000-07:002004-06-04T23:49:57.280-07:00

After seeing my therapist this afternoon, I crashed further into a deep depression, not seeing any point in the whole life thing, and my thoughts were racing in random circles faster than I could keep track of them. I tried sleeping, but that evaded me as well. So, I decided to try and focus on something and pay my bills and balance my check book. Then something weird happened. I found a

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1086333234655870162004-06-04T00:06:00.000-07:002004-06-04T00:13:54.656-07:00

I'm feeling pretty bad right now, my lungs are a mess, wheezing and coughing up phlegm, probably because I've been smoking too much. I've been smoking a lot since I've been up pretty much constantly for about two days. I finally got a couple hours of sleep, but still feel really tired and my lungs still hurt, so at the moment I'm convinced I'm going to the drugstore tomorrow to pick up some

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1086223634587729502004-06-02T17:43:00.000-07:002004-06-02T17:47:14.586-07:00

I just got back from my vocal and bass guitar lessons and practicing, my fingers are hurting, I'm starting to develop my calluses again on my finger tips (in case you're not a bass player, that's a good thing :). While at the music store I played on a really nice electric bass and amp that was cheap and sounded great, I'm geeked about trying to find a way to afford it (I'm using an acoustic

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1086075311353058392004-06-01T00:31:00.000-07:002006-10-14T09:01:42.256-07:00

This weekend, while at times was fun and great to see some family, was really a pressure cooker in terms of my anxiety, as usual I started to depersonalize and have panic attacks right when the fun was really starting to get going. At times I just curled up on the floor in a bedroom with a Teddy bear or one of the cats. There was another party for the family Monday, but I couldn't go to that

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1085786064541176762004-05-28T16:09:00.000-07:002004-05-28T16:14:24.540-07:00

This week was a real roller coaster. I spent a lot of time pacing and unsure of myself. I'm seeing a new therapist regularly now. My previous therapist helped me do the research to find the tools I need to use to make myself better, this new therapist is going to be "pushing my buttons" to try and break me out of my shell and put those tools to work. Easier said than done, is what I say, but

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1085284840994994242004-05-22T20:58:00.000-07:002004-05-22T21:03:55.470-07:00

I was just going through some pictures of me taken less than a year ago and it hit home how much I've gained weight. I've gained 35 pounds in the past few months, my clothes are starting to shrink on me lol. I guess I have to start exercising. I'm attributing the weight gain mostly to the Zyprexa, which is a common side effect. I notice also that lately I hardly eat at all during the morning

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1085184101838514112004-05-21T16:59:00.000-07:002004-05-21T17:02:53.613-07:00

I'm feeling pretty weird, feelings of depersonalization, like things aren't quite real. I'm also feeling a little paranoid. I accidentally slept through taking my morning dose of Xanax, so I just totally missed that dose, which may be part of the reason I feel this way. I forgot to mention in my last post that the reason we switched from Symbyax to just plain Zyprexa was to decrease how often

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1085112418373859972004-05-20T20:59:00.000-07:002004-05-20T21:06:58.373-07:00

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday, and he told me that I should go down by half a miligram a week from now on that I'm getting to the lower dosages. We also switched from Symbyax (a combination of Prozac and Zyprexa) to just plain Zyprexa, but at a higher dosage (10mg, where I was on 6mg with the Symbyax) I had a real good group therapy session today, I was able to talk quite a bit and it felt

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1084805813054831732004-05-17T07:53:00.000-07:002004-05-17T07:56:53.053-07:00

I've noticed lately that my attention span is getting smaller, and that I get angry or bitter easier, usually about things that occured years in the past that I wake up remembering. I'm not sure if this is due to lowering my Xanax or not. I was going through acute withdrawal symptoms a week ago so my doctor upped my dosage back by another 2mg to help me out and then told me to go down by 1mg a

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1084525219443024122004-05-14T01:59:00.000-07:002004-05-14T02:16:47.183-07:00

I've enabled a commenting feature to my posts so all of you out there can comment on what I write. I'll be tweaking the feature as time goes on.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1084525022757236012004-05-14T01:51:00.000-07:002004-05-14T01:57:02.756-07:00

I haven't been very out-going lately, since I've been sick with some kind of flu (finally got some antibiotics for it), and my moods are changing like rolling the dice, it's hard for me not to get caught up in the past or worry about the future, I know I need to focus on the moment, carpe diem style, but I get trapped in this circular thinking mode too easily. I tried using my relaxation

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1084163656277557502004-05-09T21:28:00.000-07:002004-05-09T21:35:26.236-07:00

I've been getting sicker, got flu like symptoms. It sucks, but being sick like this is making me sleep alot and overall is keeping me from having major anxiety attacks, so I'm taking the good with the bad. Friday, I went to the mental hospital to try and get into their program for coming off of benzos, but they won't accept my insurance. Major bummer. Basically, I just have to slug it out

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1083964802701364912004-05-07T14:20:00.000-07:002004-05-07T14:24:31.140-07:00

I'm going totally nuts. I'm like in a constant state of withdrawal, I've got the shakes, I feel like I'm going crazy, I'm scared to even respond to simple emails or phone calls. I really wish I could stay in a hospital until it's time for my brain scans, so they could keep an eye on me becuase it's really hard not to take an extra pill or three to try and make it through this. I just get so

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1083708344170440282004-05-04T15:05:00.000-07:002004-05-04T15:09:32.030-07:00

Well, yesterday I went to karate and felt a lot better after that, I'm thinking about going for another lesson later today as well, my anxiety is fairly high. I made a bunch of appointments with one of my therapists and some group session meetings to help get me through this tough time while I'm going off my meds before getting my brain scan. I think if I can just get my self in the shower and

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1083617986208665152004-05-03T13:59:00.000-07:002004-05-03T14:03:54.543-07:00

I can't seem to stay out of bed lately. I've been really depressed and my anxiety levels are up. I did go out for a few hours Saturday to help with this Walk For Life cancer funding thing, but it got me all freaked out being around all those people so I left. I'm supposed to go to my karate session in a few hours and I'm fearing even that, even though I know I felt good after doing it last

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1083273984294184962004-04-29T14:26:00.000-07:002004-04-29T14:30:41.606-07:00

I'm feeling overwhelming feelings of guilt or shame, like I've done something wrong or I'm ignoring something important. I'm not sure if this is because I lowered my Xanax by 1 mg today or not. I've had these feelings before. I feel like a little boy who's done something really wrong and his parents are going to come home and beat him. I'm going through a level 9 panic attack, and trying to

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1083202857070335452004-04-28T18:40:00.000-07:002004-04-28T18:45:13.046-07:00

Today was anxiety ridden but successful. I finally got my appointments for my brain scans, they'll take place most of the 2nd week of June. I'm kind of excited about it but nervous at the same time, I hope they'll be as beneficial for me as they have been for others. I also had my first vocal lesson today, and that went much better than I had hoped; I was actually able to match 5 notes! My

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1083124893786697452004-04-27T21:01:00.000-07:002004-04-27T21:05:49.060-07:00

Last night before I finally fell asleep I kept pacing back and forth, like I had energy to do something but, even though there were many things I could have done, I couldn't slow down and do any of them. That happens to me a lot. It's a horrible feeling almost, kind of like being all dressed up with no place to go, just pacing back and forth wishing my body would fall asleep. Anyway, I picked

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1083031006084686322004-04-26T18:56:00.000-07:002004-04-26T19:00:59.123-07:00

Whew... just got back from my first karate lesson. It was only a half hour but boy I'm pooped. But it felt really good. I'll have to try remember how to tie that stupid belt though lol. I think having done fencing before helped me keep my balance, they had me jumping right in and doing sparring even. This class only had kids from elementary school ages in it, so they weren't much more than

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1082822790674942482004-04-24T09:06:00.000-07:002004-04-24T09:10:41.106-07:00

I feel sick. I stayed up too late last night on my manic swing, got too little rest and I can't fall back asleep, plus I smoked too much, so now I'm dealing with the consequences. Blah. I'm going to lay in bed for the rest of the morning and see if I can catch some Saturday morning cartoons.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1082781542523843152004-04-23T21:39:00.000-07:002004-04-23T21:43:44.843-07:00

Today was an average day anxiety and mood wise, then my therapist called me in the late afternoon to check up on me and see if I was doing O.K. alone. I told him I usually get more depressed during the afternoon, and he told me that at those times I should be taking a walk. So, late this afternoon I walked around through the shopping center down the corner, and started looking in the window of

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1082620641311596212004-04-22T00:57:00.000-07:002004-04-22T01:05:13.060-07:00

I went out tonight and bought some more vitamins and supplements that I hope will help my psych meds work better and aid in my general health. My moods swung a lot today, right now I'm feeling full of energy; seven hours ago I was angry and depressed, and made an appointment to see my therapist tomorrow because I was thinking about whether I should be hospitalized or not. I even went as far as

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1082424043309254222004-04-19T18:20:00.000-07:002004-04-19T18:24:47.263-07:00

For the past day or so I've seen myself start to cycle down into what looks like will be a deep depression. I'm wanting to stay in bed all the time, my anxiety is high and I'm afraid to make any appointments or commitments because I can't be sure how I'm going to feel. Part of me thinks it might get so bad I have to go to the hospital again, so I'll have to keep up my positive self dialog and

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1082050487742564352004-04-15T10:34:00.000-07:002004-04-15T10:39:13.840-07:00

Link:Put Together a Comfort Bag Putting together a comfort bag is a really good idea for people with high anxiety and phobias. This is something I usually use and it does help, knowing that you have certain things with you in case of something unexpected.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1082049849400561112004-04-15T10:24:00.000-07:002004-04-15T10:28:07.340-07:00

I think I'm going through a manic phase. I'm spending a lot of money on my credit cards, upgrading my computers and stuff. At least the depression isn't bad. I'm still having small panic attacks and agoraphobia. I don't see my psychiatrist again until near the end of the month, I'll ask him about a firm diagnosis then. Maybe I'll have to take some more tests, I'm not sure. Today I'm going

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1081744269443823172004-04-11T21:31:00.000-07:002004-04-11T21:35:02.483-07:00

Today was a good day overall I would say, I had a great breakfast over at my cousin's place, but then started getting tired and panicky so I went home and took a long nap instead of going on with them to some other relatives' place for the rest of the day. Late in the afternoon I went and saw a nice movie, then came home and a little later on my aunt and I compared our notes on the book we are

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1081405447027647372004-04-07T23:24:00.000-07:002004-04-07T23:27:54.653-07:00

I wish I could get a grip on myself. My moods fluctuated the whole spectrum today. I went from manic swings of thinking I could go back to school or read all these psychology books and know just what to do to fix myself, or go back to work part time, to being lethargic, depressed, and just now, crying over the loss of past relationships and once again thinking that suicide might be right if

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1081218413091677672004-04-05T19:26:00.000-07:002004-04-05T19:30:37.700-07:00

I drove out to see my father and brother in Vegas this weekend. The drive was pretty tough, especially the one back, going through the pressure changes as I changed elevations wreaked havoc on me, I'm prone to pressure changes and get awful pains in my sinus cavities and headaches, my eyes start to water, plus I found myself pretty tired the whole trip so I had to stop a lot to take breaks to

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1080931030698529232004-04-02T10:37:00.000-08:002004-04-02T10:40:50.576-08:00

It looks like we're chaning my diagnosis to Biploar type 2 - rapid cycling and Panic disorder. I went and bought a bunch of books to help educate myself and my family on this. Looking back over the years of therapy, especially the last year and a half, it now seems like an obvious diagnosis. I'll post more gradually in the future as I learn more myself.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1080930724269994972004-04-02T10:32:00.000-08:002004-04-02T14:02:44.733-08:00

Last night I started having those weird side effects again with my motor control and some insomnia, but I finally got five hours of sleep starting around 4 am. Feel a lot better now. Now I just have to wait impatiently to find out about my truck; since I've gone back to my previous dosage I have my truck keys back in my possession so I took my truck in to get some screech sounds checked out in

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1080790193425525072004-03-31T19:29:00.000-08:002004-03-31T19:33:31.153-08:00

I met with my psychiatrist today and we agreed to go back down to the original dosage of my Symbyax. I screwed up earlier on one of my posts and said that we doubled the Paxil portion, when it was really the Zyprexa portion that we increased, I went back and edited that post. The side effects I was having with concentration and motor skills were bad enough that my aunt had to take away my car

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1080320422306637712004-03-26T09:00:00.000-08:002004-03-26T09:03:52.983-08:00

Who would have thought it, but I've been on a more or less normal sleeping pattern for a week now. I think that's mostly because I switched taking my Symbyax from midnight to dinner time. I'm also a little more active now, although I've noticed that my speech is more slurred on this medicine, and I still get a little de-personalization and anxiety around people, the more tired I am the worse

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1079890643173505302004-03-21T09:37:00.000-08:002004-03-31T19:28:10.576-08:00

I recently doubled the Zyprexa portion of my Symbyax, and I can already see my tummy sticking out further. I just threw out some old jeans that don't fit and have holes in them anyway; my aunt was kind enough to buy me some new ones. I hate going through all these medication changes, with the weight changes they sometimes make, it seems like I'm always needing new clothes. I had dinner with my

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1079505874755714832004-03-16T22:44:00.000-08:002004-03-16T22:47:52.060-08:00

I feel like Ugh right now. I've been having sinus headaches lately, trouble sleeping. I'm having a hard time sitting through watching movies or reading books now, kind of like I when I was on Geodon. My depression is coming back a little bit too, got some circular negative thinking going on about finances and such. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1079349041948459672004-03-15T03:10:00.000-08:002004-03-15T03:13:57.060-08:00

As time goes on, I'm beginning to think that I have more of a bi-polar issue than just anxiety and depression. I don't know, label it whatever you want, it still makes it difficult to lead a normal life and be a productive member of society and enjoy the simple things.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1079348565737590292004-03-15T03:02:00.000-08:002004-03-15T03:06:00.950-08:00

I spent the afternoon and evening at my cousin's place. I had been up for more than 24 hours I think by the time I arrived there, so I immediately fell asleep on the couch and slept for like five hours, causing me to miss a dose of Xanax, so I was going through a small withdrawal. A few hours later the panic started creeping in, I started felling depersonalized, I even spent a little bit of

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1079114633780813682004-03-12T10:03:00.000-08:002004-03-12T10:07:33.950-08:00

Up until yesterday evening, I hadn't slept in like a day and a half, I think this new med is giving my hyposomnia. It's keeping me out of being depressed, the suicidal ideations are gone, but I do have some sexual side effects. I'm also having a bit of a cold but I don't think it's anything major. I'll have to give this medicine a while to see how it all settles in. Next Wednesday I see my

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1078719620416216192004-03-07T20:20:00.000-08:002004-03-07T20:23:25.436-08:00

I've noticed that, aside from when I wake up all groggy, depressed, lethargic and with racing thoughts, I've been in what seems like a manic swing. I think this is due to a few things; one, knowing that my family is trying to make things work out for me in my best interest and thinking of long-term strategies to help me (after the big meeting we had), nicer weather, finding out that the clinic I

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1078454931127644002004-03-04T18:48:00.000-08:002004-03-04T18:52:13.733-08:00

Well, Tuesday I had a joint meeting with my therapist, psychiatrist, aunt and my dad. We had the meeting because we're not sure what to do, I've been going to this clinic for over a year and my depression, anxiety, panic attacks, depersonalization and overall ability to function have been declining, and my suicidal ideations have been increasing. My psychiatrist gave me a new medicine to try,

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1077661208782826182004-02-24T14:20:00.000-08:002004-02-24T14:22:57.030-08:00

I've been avoiding the net a little bit lately, God knows I spend too much time on the net when I should be in the "real world", but also avoiding it because I'm very emotionally vulnerable. I can't keep up with my own mood swings, I feel I can't trust what I say or think anymore, because everything is so darned contradictory. As far as diet goes, my diet is as inconsistent as my moods. I'm

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1077122946627474872004-02-18T08:49:00.000-08:002004-02-18T08:51:46.046-08:00

I'm thinking about closing up shop on this blog. I've worked hard to help myself, and to take what I have learned along the way and pass it along to others who are going through the same thing. But I've been increasingly coming to a point where I can no longer "practice what I preach". I feel it's wrong for me to keep trying to help people when I no longer have the desire or ability to be

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1077030573034597562004-02-17T07:09:00.000-08:002004-02-17T07:12:11.340-08:00

I wish it wasn't so hard to go through all of this without any close friends... I mean close in the sense of distance. I have some good friends out there, who mean a lot to me, some who will chat away with me for hours on the internet... I get so sick of being in this small town where I find it hard to meet any new friends. All of the people I would call real friends live in distant states. I

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1076771057753638192004-02-14T07:04:00.000-08:002004-02-14T07:06:51.996-08:00

Once again I'm having to admit to myself that relationships are one of the biggest sources of anxiety and depression for me, especially so when it's a relationship with a lover or potential lover. A lot of my own feelings of hopelessness about my future center around the fact that I don't believe that I will be able to find that perfect mate, or that I'll never get to the point where I am

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1076769786192103302004-02-14T06:43:00.000-08:002004-02-14T06:45:39.873-08:00

A few days ago I decided to stop taking Strattera. Strattera is the medication I started taking a week before for Attention Deficit Disorder. My doctor allowed me the freedom to make my own judgment on the dosaging of the medicine and the freedom to decide to stop taking it at will. While I was on the medication, I was in severe depression the entire time. Because this was also the time I was

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1076733827479659602004-02-13T20:43:00.000-08:002004-02-13T20:46:20.590-08:00

Today is the 13th and tomorrow is that holiday. Two days that bring up a lot of hurt feelings. I'm really angry and depressed and hope I can sleep through enough of this until the holiday is over, I don't want to be reminded of it.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1076560720205110142004-02-11T20:38:00.000-08:002004-02-11T20:55:48.153-08:00

Short answer: two thumbs way up! Long answer: I must admit I approached this book with a negative attitude. I figured the book would be good, but not any benefit to me. The impression I had (before actually reading it... Never judge a book by it's cover has always been my motto, but nonetheless I fall victim to doing just that...) was that this book was just for people with panic attacks that

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1076298368654245112004-02-08T19:46:00.000-08:002004-02-08T19:50:43.310-08:00

My levels of depression and depersonalization are quite severe. When I try to sleep, I usually end up spending hours crying in bed. My mind is overwhelmed. Sometimes I walk the streets at night, seemingly blinded by my own depression and guilt, detached from the world around me, wallowing in shame. The reality of my situation and the few options or paths I can take in my future are what is

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1075939648202508872004-02-04T16:07:00.000-08:002004-02-04T16:09:49.090-08:00

Well, I thought I'd post a lengthy post catching up what's happened over the past week. This past weekend I was having severe depression. I think it's been over a week since I showered and I think I only put on a fresh pair of clothes once during that week. Depression born mostly out of frustration and hopelessness about the future. I had another panic attack that left me curled up in the

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1075343964683956962004-01-28T18:39:00.000-08:002004-01-28T18:52:10.750-08:00

Many people in my life, especially when I was younger (mostly friends) told me I need to be more assertive. I have learned to be a little more assertive, but I just started reading a book called Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and Equality in Your Life and Relationships (Eighth Edition) So far I really like it and the approach the book takes. Here's a quote from the opening chapter: "

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1075343460735231452004-01-28T18:31:00.000-08:002004-02-04T16:10:37.576-08:00

Link: Panic Disorder Patients Lack Emotion-Regulating Protein Three brain areas of panic disorder patients are lacking in a key component of a chemical messenger system that regulates emotion, researchers at the NIH’s National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) have discovered. Brain scans revealed that a type of serotonin receptor is reduced by nearly a third in three structures straddling the

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1075180927833888192004-01-26T21:22:00.000-08:002004-01-26T21:24:16.483-08:00

Well, the day started off with high anxiety, felt like I had too much to do with too little sleep. While I was waiting in the lobby for my group session to start, I even asked if I could sit in a private room because I was feeling panicky. But the group session started right then, and it turned out to be a pretty good one, we talked about how we sometimes feel hopeless and what we do to

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1074778030337543352004-01-22T05:27:00.000-08:002004-01-22T05:29:12.483-08:00

Well, as you can see from my previous post I was pretty darn upset. The mess people have to go through regarding insurance and what not is right up there with telemarketers for me. Basically, I went to the new doctor yesterday, the one that's approved enough to be able to give me the referral for the MRI. Well, I sat in the crowded lobby for two hours, having major panic attacks the whole time

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1074726818796286892004-01-21T15:13:00.000-08:002004-01-21T15:15:40.373-08:00

Screw the healthcare system and shove it up your ass. I'm done with it. Period, end of story. If I want medical services, I'll pay cash, and forget I even have a damn card. Even if it means some day I'll need it to save my life, I'll choose death, thank you very much. I'm done with all the years of struggling through the bureaucratic bullshit for no gain.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1074578539074592442004-01-19T22:02:00.000-08:002004-01-19T22:04:18.403-08:00

In response to my previous post, I'm copying and pasting something I posted on the Midwest Center's Attacking Anxiety online support forum, a program I highly recommend. Hi, my name is Dave, and I am a negative thinker. Hehe sorry, I guess that's just kind of a poor humor coming from the depression I'm in. I'm in deep depression, for the past two days. Big time negative dialog. Do I know

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1074569086404517952004-01-19T19:24:00.000-08:002004-01-19T19:26:45.373-08:00

I'm feeling pretty under the weather for the past couple days, and very depressed. It seems like I'm just depressed about the whole human condition. I've been having a lot of negative inner dialog, with little desire to change things. I find myself thinking "What's the point?" a lot lately. My joints are feeling pretty achy, perhaps I have a cold. I've been sleeping a lot, tired all the time

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1074292823690260712004-01-16T14:40:00.000-08:002004-01-16T14:42:17.950-08:00

I've been having bad dreams... well the dreams themselves aren't all that bad, it's the feeling that I get when I wake up from them that's bad. I've been dreaming of old friends, lost aquiantences, etc., and when I awake I'm left with a depression, a loneliness, and a feeling that I have dissapointed those people. It takes a few hours, as usual to get over these feelings. Thinking about it now

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1074046235356548792004-01-13T18:10:00.000-08:002004-02-08T19:49:16.030-08:00

If it's not one thing it's another with insurance. I found out that none of the doctors at my clinic accept my insurance, whatsoever, even though they had told me before I got the insurance that they would accept it. I also found out that only MRIs and no other types of brain scans (except CAT scans, which are inferior to MRIs) are covered, they are considered "experimental medicine" or

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1073804184371835462004-01-10T22:56:00.000-08:002004-01-10T22:56:45.296-08:00

I went to the open mic night at Border's, but I never came up with anything to use, so I just sat in the audience. The friends I had met last time I was there showed up as promised, we sat together for the first few performances, then they said they were going to move to a back seat because they were talking loud to each other and didn't want to disrupt the show. After that, I didn't see them

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1073707454983895752004-01-09T20:04:00.000-08:002004-01-09T20:04:35.520-08:00

Well, I woke up late as usual, and my anxiety started because I knew I woke up too late to go grocery shopping before my group therapy session. I had some anxiety about going to my group session, my second with this small group, because I wasn't sure it would be productive, I didn't feel I had much to talk about and I had doubts about my ability to give advice to the others in the group. I

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1073458134695496352004-01-06T22:48:00.000-08:002004-01-06T22:49:13.820-08:00

I met with my therapist today and we went over the results from the first "check the box" test I did for ADHD, and I scored moderate to severe in most of the categories. He mentioned that he thinks it's possible that meds for ADHD might work better than the benzos I'm on, but he's not a doctor so he can't say for sure, I'll have to talk to my psychiatrist about it when I see him next week.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1073160029670123412004-01-03T12:00:00.000-08:002004-01-03T12:00:48.513-08:00

Well, my anxiety has been really high the past few days, my muscles and joints had become really sore from all the tension, and it's been really difficult to do my relaxation techniques, but finally last night I was able to fall asleep at 10pm and sleep right through to 6am... I haven't done that in a very long time! So, I feel a lot better today.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1073031051477509732004-01-02T00:10:00.000-08:002004-01-02T00:11:09.790-08:00

Well it's the new year... and my resolution is... nothing! Just to not set my expectations, to roll with the punches, and not pretend like I can predict the future. I saw a clip of the fireworks in Sydney, Australia, boy do they know how to put on a show. I'm trying to use compassionate self dialog as usual to keep my emotions in balance. I've had some curve balls thrown at me again with

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1072714515331388292003-12-29T08:15:00.000-08:002003-12-29T08:18:31.650-08:00

Link: Gentle & caring: "Sometimes we just wish that all the disturbing thoughts will go away and die, but yet we still get agitated because they don’t seem to want to go away. The more we push them away, the more they come back. This sort of pushing and having an idea of a world without disturbing thoughts is a kind of attachment. And so we solve this problem by acting like this: At the moment

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1072660892731732102003-12-28T17:21:00.000-08:002003-12-28T17:21:49.853-08:00

It's Sunday, and I don't know what to do. My sleeping patterns are, as usual, screwed up, and I'm groggy right now. I've been feeling anxiety all day, because I'm not sure what to do. Home alone, nothing on my to-do list, bored, with this feeling that I'm supposed to be doing something, maybe important, but not knowing what it is. And everything I think of to do to distract myself sounds

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1072556949489213052003-12-27T12:29:00.000-08:002003-12-27T12:29:46.216-08:00

I was thinking about making some T-Shirts or stickers or whatever for us people with bad anxiety, with a humorous twist. I don't know.. maybe something list a twist on the "No Fear" bumper stickers and T-Shirts that were popular. Send me an email by clicking on my name below if you have any ideas or thoughts on this, I could sell the shirts from this website real easy without any hassle for me,

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1072408926854284792003-12-25T19:22:00.000-08:002003-12-25T19:22:23.190-08:00

Well, happy holidays everyone. It's been stressful and will be for a few more days, it'll be tough for a day or two as I have to try and keep my aunt away from the place for a while so we can set up her surprise Christmas present. What really makes it tough is that since I still have problems sleeping normally, it makes it much harder to not be groggy, lack of proper sleep makes my anxiety more

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1072124769830430472003-12-22T12:26:00.000-08:002003-12-22T12:41:36.643-08:00

Man, this week is hectic. My cousin's in San Diego recovering from surgery, I'm having a lot of anxiety as I have to do a lot of running around taking my aunt to and from work and to my cousin's place to take care of her place and what not, with my anxiety it's getting harder for me to do much running around of errands even if they are close to home. I've been trying to continue to relax and

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1071646966888217982003-12-16T23:42:00.000-08:002003-12-16T23:43:00.553-08:00

Ugh, I had a good night last night hanging out with a new friend, and then I wasn't able to sleep until almost noon, and I began to get sick, aching all over... I think I'm catching what my aunt has been sick with. I'll have the place to myself for a few days, which will be kind of nice as my aunt has to go off on a trip. I rented a bunch of movies and got a book from the library for something

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1071432157966024412003-12-14T12:02:00.000-08:002003-12-14T12:04:02.503-08:00

Anyway, the group session wasn't much, just our first session and a little short, basically there are three of us plus my therapist, and we basically just introduced ourselves, we're going to try and make the sessions longer and meet once every three weeks and see how things go. Last night I went again to Border's book store, where they have an open-mic night in their little cafe' once a month.

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1071093113776587172003-12-10T13:51:00.000-08:002003-12-14T11:50:25.123-08:00

One of the psychologists at my clinic, the one who ran the support group I used to attend, gave me a take-home evaluated/scoring form for attention deficit disorder, mostly out of curiosity on his part. He talked to me briefly about some kind of idea of using some kind of "primal therapy", at least I think that's what he called it... kind of think of me sitting in a room with the psychologist,

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1070931777087943642003-12-08T17:02:00.000-08:002003-12-08T17:03:09.143-08:00

Well, this weekend I got a spiffy letter from the Congressman I talked to about my Social Security back-pay, and the letter said I'd have the money directly in my checking account in ten days, then today I look at my account and the money is already there! Woohoo! That will definitely make things easier for the short-term, as I try to transition to this MediCAL insurance/HMO thing. I'm still

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1070499496020152122003-12-04T13:48:00.000-08:002003-12-04T13:48:11.326-08:00

Hmm, I don't think I'll be able to go into a whole lot of detail here, just because it would turn into a book if I did... but in my years of therapy and looking at my problems from all kinds of different points of view, and the fact that all of the excellent work I've been doing as far as using coping skills and self-esteem boosting things and other cognitive and behavioral techniques, while my

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1070489986026253122003-12-03T14:19:00.000-08:002003-12-03T14:19:56.610-08:00

Two good links, one for those people helping who are trying to help a person with an anxiety disorder, and one for the people who have an anxiety disorder help those who are trying to help them. Giving the gift of time - How to help someone with an anxiety disorder >Helping the people who are helping you when you have an anxiety disorder

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1070360599501730462003-12-02T02:23:00.000-08:002003-12-02T02:23:29.610-08:00

Well, I see my therapist today, I'm going to talk to him about how I react when I'm away from home on trips, like with thanksgiving. I'm wondering if I should bother planning any trips in the future for a while, like I was planning on spending a week or so with friends and family in Michigan in January, but knowing how I react on trips I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not, and besides,

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1070079581954930892003-11-28T20:19:00.000-08:002003-12-22T12:42:36.923-08:00

Well, I drove myself the six-hour trip to my dad's, alone, to be with family for Thanksgiving. I was planning on staying five days I think, but I could only handle two before I had to bail and head home. For almost the past two years, I've been having problems where when I leave home and stay the night somewhere else, I have serious panic attacks that last for hours, weird kind of panic attacks

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1069568927029736252003-11-22T22:28:00.000-08:002003-11-22T22:28:54.590-08:00

Sorry I haven't updated in a while, like I've said before the days just seem to go by in a blur. My anxiety has been pretty high lately, mostly due to worrying about my medical benefits situation and planning for the holidays, the clinic I go to screwed up some of my appointments with my therapist so I haven't been able to see him and won't see him until next month, and my main computer is now

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1069097180655736682003-11-17T11:26:00.000-08:002003-11-17T11:26:26.846-08:00

Well, I'm still kind of going with the flow, my moods are unpredictable, I'm noticing that more myself, and I'm just kind of riding along with them. I went ahead and went to the Senator's office to have him look into my Social Security money on my behalf, I should hear back in a couple weeks or so, the people at the office were really nice. I had a strange, powerful dream that woke me up this

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1068670422418791232003-11-12T12:53:00.000-08:002003-11-12T12:53:47.793-08:00

I'm just doing my best to go with the flow right now. After having a good night out, I crashed into severe depression. My emotions are always quite extreme, and I'm just trying to go with the flow and ride with them as they go from one extreme to another, keeping in touch with my therapist. I'm getting really stressed trying to deal with Social Security, they owe me thousands of dollars in

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5079426.post-1068360205207066542003-11-08T22:43:00.000-08:002003-11-08T22:43:54.933-08:00

I've been increasingly more and more lonely as time wears on, friends becoming more distant. This loneliness has become a major hindrance to my ability to actively work on my coping skills and other anxiety-fighting homework. It further drives thoughts of suicide. Realizing the need for companionship and how the lack of it is hindering my growth, etcetera ad nauseum, I knew that however bad

Davidhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10461105745769643705noreply@blogger.com0